I know I always say, losing weight is so much more than just losing weight. I say it all the time because it is so true for me. Losing over 300 pounds has taught me a lot about myself. It has taught me not only healthy habits and how to live a healthier lifestyle, but it also taught me just that…that losing weight is so much more than just losing weight.
When I was on my journey, I used to only focus on the number. I used to be so obsessed with how much weight I lost, and how low the number was getting. I depended on that number in order to determine my weight loss success and happiness.
But what I did not realize, is that while I was transforming on the outside, a bigger transformation was happening on the inside. A transformation that I would not fully learn or appreciate until I stopped depending on what that number said.
I eventually realized that my weight loss journey was more than just about losing weight. It changed from wanting to lose weight, to wanting to have a better relationship with my body, myself and with food. It turned into not depending on the number on the scale to determine how I felt about myself. All of the decisions I was making were to better improve my overall mental and physical wellbeing and getting me towards living a life that was my own, a life I had always dreamed of. I wanted to live a life that made me happy and that I could be proud of.
My journey is about so much more than just how much weight I have lost. I think the most important part is that I can actually say I am learning to fully love myself and that is the biggest transformation yet.
Weighing over 500 pounds, being able to fit into clothes, or even shop in a store was not a reality for me. My reality was shopping online, ordering the largest size, and hoping that it would fit when they arrived. I would hope and pray that the way the clothes were cut or shaped would fit me. It was really difficult to find items that would fit and fit comfortably.
The overweight me used to dream of being able to wear the same outfits that my favorite bloggers were wearing and I used to wish that I could look as beautiful and be as confident as they looked in their photos. I never dreamed that this would be a reality for me. I used to tell myself, even if I did fit into those clothes, I would never like I how I looked or feel beautiful in them. These negative self-sabotaging thoughts were what filled my mind almost all of the time. Changing the way I think, the mental change, is the part of any weight loss journey that so many people overlook. Changing the way you think plays such a huge role in how successful you will or will not be. Your outlook affects so many things other than weight loss…it really makes a huge difference in every aspect of life.
Fast forward to today, and being 350 pounds lighter, I still have moments where I catch myself going back to that negative place. A place where I do not feel good enough, or that I would ever be able to fit into certain types of clothes. The difference now is that I catch myself thinking this way and think about what I can change or fix to make it a positive situation or outcome.
Over the weekend I had another huge transformation happen. Julia from Gal Meets Glam came out with her own clothing. I was so excited for this line and so excited to treat myself to something from this collection. But as soon as that excitement hit, it was quickly followed by self-doubt, and questioning my own progress and thinking to myself that nothing would fit.
That is when all of the times of practicing self-love and positive self-talk come into play. Being strong enough to catch myself in those moments of self-doubt and talk myself through those insecurities and change the way I am thinking shows just how much I have grown and changed. I had the power inside of me to change my thinking and told myself that I would go to the store and try on some dresses. I told myself it did not matter what size the dresses would be, and it would not matter if I looked like the other girls wearing them. What matters is feeling good and confident in the dresses not if I looked like the other people wearing them.
I remember walking over to the display, all of the dress hanging there and I froze. I saw the sizing and I didn’t know if I was going to start crying or jump up and down with joy. The dresses went up to a size…20! I am so happy to see more and more brands coming out with more size inclusive pieces. It was not, these dresses are plus size and these ones are standard sizing. It was every dress was offered in all of the sizes. This was a huge moment for me, seeing more brands do this makes me so happy.
I grabbed a few dresses, in a few different sizes and took a deep breath and headed for the dressing room. After getting to the dressing room, I remember taking a few deep breaths before I tried any of the dresses on just to calm myself down. I found myself still feeling a little nervous that these dresses still wouldn’t fit me.
When I put the first dress on, and it fit, I was filled with so many emotions. I felt proud of myself and my journey. Not only did I feel pride, but I felt beautiful. I could actually look in the mirror and think to myself I look beautiful. These were words and thoughts that I never in a million years would think I would be able to say to myself.
Weight loss does not just have to be about losing weight, or a number on the scale. Sometimes the biggest transformations happen on the inside where no one can see. Nobody else may ever see this change or transformation but you can feel it yourself.
Losing weight did not make me feel beautiful and it did not make me beautiful. I can finally say that I am beautiful because I can honestly say that I love myself and that is what makes me beautiful. Beauty doesn’t come from the number on the scale or the size of your clothes. True beauty comes from the way you look at and treat yourself and the way you look at and treat other people.
I know that this is just a dress. But being able to try this dress on, look in the mirror and feel my inner beauty and confidence shine through is what matters. Being able to feel those feelings about myself is what makes the dress so important.
Never give up on your goals or your dreams. Work hard, believe in yourself, and never give up. You can live the life you have always dreamed of and you too can accomplish all of your goals, no matter how big or small. Remember changes take time and they take practice. They take hard work and discipline. These changes will probably not happen overnight but what matters is that you keep working toward and making progress towards those goals and dreams. I promise the journey and the difficult times are so worth it.
Here I am, 350 pounds lighter, and I still have moments of self-doubt and still worry about if the biggest size will fit me. However, I know that I have grown so much because I can change my way of thinking so much faster than I could before. I can actually look in the mirror and like the girl who is staring back at me not because she weighs less but because of the mental changes that have come along with the weight loss. Getting to this place where I can recognize my moments of self-doubt or negative self-talk and change those into positives are really the biggest dream come true that I never really expected.
Shop My Look
I just got this bag and when I went to link it for you guys it is already sold out. I did link some bags that were pretty similar in style and if it comes back in stock I will be sure to let you know.