I am shocked. Surprised. Confused. Excited. Shocked. Did I say shocked? I had a huge non scale victory today, and it came at just the right moment. I have been working my butt off to recover from not only one skin removal surgery, but two within the last 9 months. Over 15 pounds of excess skin has been removed from my body so far, with still several surgeries to go. I have finally (somewhat) returned to my weight that I was pre surgery, however for whatever reason the scale is not stuck on that weight and will not move. I am, for now, avoiding the scale and just focusing on recovering. I am sticking to my eating plan and working out 6 days per week, which feel so good to be able to do again!
I went to the mall with my sister to just walk around, shop and get coffee. I then heard her say “Jacqueline I found the cutest outfit for you.” When I walked over to see what she was talking about the first thought that came into my mind was “thats so cute” but it was immediately followed by “but that will never fit me”. It was a super cute, 2 piece, CROP TOP jumpsuit. Of course when I told my sister it would not ever fit me, she would not accept that answer and said we were not leaving until I tried it on. She grabbed a size that I thought would for sure not fit and pulled me int the dressing room.
It fit. It not only fit, but it fit perfectly. I was starring at myself in the mirror and could not believe that was me. How could that be me? There is no way that a 2 piece crop top outfit should be able to fit me. ME!
I stood there just staring at myself as my sister is balling her eyes out and of course being a big sister and saying “I told you so”. I do not know how long I was standing there, but I do know that it was a long time.
Being able to go into a store and actually fit into the clothes in the store is still so weird to me. Being able to go into a store and pick what was on the mannequin and get that whole outfit was another thing. I used to dream about wearing the clothes in stores and hoped and prayed one day that I could wear the outfits that were so nicely put together on those things. Today that happened. And guess what? It was not even the largest size they offered!
Moments like this are crazy for me. I still have a false sense of what I actually look like. I still sometimes feel like I still weigh over 500 pounds and when I look at clothes I often grab the largest size still and get a nervous feeling inside my stomach thinking that it will not fit, but really hoping it will.
I often get asked what keeps me motivated. What keeps me going. This right here. This is one of the things that push me forward and keep me going. When I can look in the mirror and not physically recognize the girl staring back at me because she looks “too small” to be me. When I see someone who can actually fit into the clothes at Nordstrom. When I do not need to get the largest size available. Moments like this keep me going.
So there we have it, my first crop top. Now all I need are my abs to pop out! I know they are in there somewheere!
I hope everyone reading this can feel inspired. I want you guys to know that anything is possible and if a girl who used to weigh 500 pounds can now shop at Nordstrom and wear a crop top, that right there should be proof that no goal is ever too big! Don’t just rely on the scale. Just keep going. Keep moving forward. Celebrate the little non scale victories and moments. I know my body is changing and getting stronger. I do not need a scale to tell me that. I did not give up or say its not worth it just because it was too hard or becsaue the scale said I wasn’t doing a good job. I kept going, and I want you to keep going too.
This is a huge day for me! A victory. And it came at just the right time. over the years it is moments like this that will last forever! Its moments like this that make the journey so worth it!