A Day Filled With Baseball…and So Many Non-Scale Victories (NSV)

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ATT Park from section 313

Jacqueline at ATT Park San Francisco

I am so happy baseball season is here!

Something that you may not know about me is that I am a huge sports fan.  I have been a San Francisco Giants fan since birth.  Being born and raised in the San Francisco Bay Area, orange and black run through my veins.  You might be thinking what do baseball games and non-scale victories have to do with each other, but believe me Tuesday, April 3, 2018, was a day filled with so much more than just baseball.

Going to baseball games has always been one of my favorite things to do.  When I was younger all I wanted to do was go to a baseball game on my birthday, but being a February baby, that was never possible!  When springtime hit, I was there!

I was blessed to be able to attend the 2002 World Series, which was a huge highlight for me.  Seeing the Giants play in the World Series and actually being in the ballpark was a dream come true for me.  However, I do not like to talk about the outcome since the wounds have not healed yet.  I was also able to attend opening day many years ago with my dad and that was another very special day for me as well, even though we did, in fact, lose that game!

Jacqueline at ATT Park San Francisco

It is hard to imagine a time when going to the ballpark was not a part of my life.

Reality is…well, there was a time in my life where I physically was not able to go, and that was hard.

Kevin is also a huge sports fan and when we first started dating we went to a lot of games together!  So when my weight completely got out of hand and took over my life, it was not only hard for me not to go to games, but I felt awful about not being able to attend games anymore together.  This crushed me.  My weight was not only affecting my life and what I liked to do, but it was affecting the people’s lives around me and stopping them from doing things they loved as well.

Going to games was challenging for me as I began gaining weight.  It was hard enough to have to park and walk into the stadium, after that, I felt like I was going to die.  Let’s also remember that you have to walk around the stadium, walk to your seats, go up and down stairs and don’t forget how I could not even fit in the seats at all.  So I stopped going.  It was physically too much for me, and mentally I could not handle the comments, stares, points, and comments.  It was easier to just not go.  My weight had completely taken over my life and I felt powerless.  it felt Like I was not myself and definitely not living my life.  I felt trapped, stuck and definitely did not feel like I had the strength to get out of this hole that I had dug myself into.

Jacqueline at ATT Park San Francisco

I set small goals to help me along the way.

When I finally decided I was ready to take control back of my life, I set small goals to help me along the way.  I feel like setting small goals helped me stay on track and made reaching the bigger goals more manageable! Going to baseball games again was definitely a small goal of mine and definitely something at the top of my list!

I remember going to my the first Giants game after losing weight.  I had lost a little over 100 pounds and I was super emotional.  When I walked into the stadium, I felt nervous, anxious, excited, happy and…scared.  I was scared that I still did not belong there, that I had not lost enough weight yet.  I was afraid I still would not be able to fit in the seats and that people would still tease me and make fun of me and roll their eyes and make comments under their breath when they saw that I was sitting next to them.

But through these fears and nervousness, I kept my head high and tried to focus on the excitement and happiness part.  I remember walking in the stadium with a knot in the pit of my stomach but with my head held high.  At that moment I felt like myself again and I was actually living my own life.  I knew I still had a long way to go, but I remember feeling like I had taken some control back and it felt amazing.

I don’t think I made it through “take me out to the ballgame” without some tears rolling down my cheek, and I remember how I was constantly checking my surroundings and making sure I was giving the person next to me plenty of space and listening extra closely to make sure no one was talking about me.  Mentally I knew I still had a long way to go as well.  But I knew I was taking steps in the right direction and being at the ballpark again was a huge accomplishment that I was proud of.

Even though the Giants lost again that day, I knew that the road ahead would continue to be rough, just like that game, but I knew that I would no longer let the fear of striking out stop me from playing the game.

hotdog and garlic friesI felt proud of myself.

Fast forward to a few days ago, Tuesday, April 3, 2018.  Here I was with Kevin at the Giants Home Opening day and I was a completely different person.  I felt proud of myself.  I felt like I had complete control of my life.  Even though I still have a long and challenging road ahead of me, I am so proud of where am today and that I never gave up or quit.  Reaching the small goal of attending Giants baseball games again gave me the confidence to keep going on my journey.

During this trip to the ballpark, I even enjoyed a hot dog and some garlic fries.  Allowing myself to enjoy these things was something I have not allowed myself to do for such a long time.  Do you know what?  It felt amazing that I actually allowed myself to enjoy those things without going crazy overboard or completely restricting myself from eating them.  This trip to the ballpark was filled with so many amazing moments and so many non-scale victories that I am so so so proud of myself for accomplishing.

Jacqueline and Kevin ATT Park

Tomorrow is a new game, a new day.

I choose to be the one in control of my life.  Even though the Giants fell short again while I was in attendance, we still had an amazing day at the ballpark.  (I sear one day I will talk about attending a game they actually win) Just like with baseball, tomorrow is a new game, a new day.  Sometimes we have to fall down, strikeout or make mistakes in order to find out how strong and tough we really are.  Keep your eye on the ball, don’t be afraid to strike out,  step up to the plate and knock it out of the park.  You can do this.  You just have to step up to the plate, and believe that this time you can do it!!!  Never let the fear of striking out stop you from playing the game!

GO GIANTS!!!

 

Xoxo

Jacqueline

Jacqueline at ATT Park San Francisco

I love going full on orange and black at Giants games, but still keeping it classy and my style.  This oversized pearl jacket is a great layering piece and I felt was perfect for a baseball game. (especially in SF where it usually gets pretty chilly) I paired it with some wide leg white jeans. (I had my compression leggings underneath so wide leg jeans are my BFF lately)  These white converse are comfy and cute and of course, you have to wear a hat when you are out cheering on your team.  This hat is, unfortunately, a few years old so I cannot link the exact one but I found some similar super cute ones!  Also, throw on a baseball tee and you are good to go.  This shirt was only available in store, so I could not link exact one but again linked something similar and make sure to check your local VS pink store to see if it is still available!  There are also all of the other teams available for the shirts and hats if the SF Giants are for some reason not your team of choice.

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