I am so ready for a new year! 2018, bring it on. This year has been a roller coaster and definitely did not go as planned. I thought that by the end of this year I would be done with all of my skin removal surgeries. I was ready to start planning my wedding and get back to a normal routine again and just finally start living my life. I was so wrong. My second skin removal surgery that I had November 2016 was rough. It was a really big surgery and it took a lot of time for my body to heal and feel right again. We also had to go back and remove more excess skin from my arms and back, which I knew was a possibility, but was not taking this into consideration when I was making “my plans”. I had surgery number 3 and 4 over the summer and I am finally feeling almost 100% better from that. But those 2 surgeries were the only ones we did. Which means I still have at least 3 more to go.
I am so grateful for everything that 2017 has brought. I joined a new gym and I am so happy I found another place where I feel at home and have a whole new support system. I am filled with so much support, and love and it has been amazing. Sometimes we get so focused on the finish line that we forget to enjoy the journey we must take to get there. I have to admit, I am guilty of this and I am working so hard to just relax and enjoy the journey. My journey. I am in complete control of my actions but I have to remember that some things are out of my control and I have be ok with that. There is so much more to be thankful for than there is to complain about or worry about. I have the best fiancé in the whole world who has been by my side through it all. I am surrounded by great friends and family who love me unconditionally. I have made so many new friendships, and I seriously have the best surgeon in the world who is the best and is doing things the right way and making sure I am ok and well taken care of. So what if my plans are taking longer than I had planned for. It is hard to not feel like 2017 was kinda a waste of a year…and I have to remind myself just how great this year really was. God has bigger plans for me than I have for myself and I need to learn to trust his timing and allow myself to continue om my journey, my path, and trust that everything happens for a reason. Last New Years Eve I was home…in a lot of pain…wishing it was next New Years..well…here we are, a year later and I am going into 2018 in style!
I fell in love with this gold sequin dress for Christmas so much that I ordered it in this amazing rainbow sequin color too and I am in love! I was nervous because these dresses were so tight and shorter than I usually like and I almost did not try them on when I got them in the mail. I had it in my head that they would not fit me or look good. Then I told myself, that is the way the old Jacqueline used to think. I don’t care if it shows all the skin on my legs, or if it looks too tight or if it looks like I have no knees because of all of the skin that covers them. I am not wearing this dress to impress anyone. when I put it on, I was in tears. How can I dare say 2017 was a waste of a year. If nothing else I have mentally changed the way I view life and how I view myself so much.
A lot of that happened this year. I have grown so much. Most importantly, I can look in the mirror and tell myself how proud I am. How beautiful I am and how much I love myself. I do not need that validation from anyone else. I need that from me. This year, I am on the path to learning and figuring that out. I am finally learning who I really am and who I want to be. I am so much more than just a girl who lost over 350 pounds. I am Jacqueline. I love beauty, makeup, fashion, fitness, working out, sparkly dresses and most importantly I love myself. So bring it on 2018, I am here in my sparkly party dress, on this body I worked so hard to achieve and I am ready to celebrate another year and the new me.
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