My first week on WW
I can’t believe it has already been 1 week since starting WW. This week was full of some very high moments as well as some very hard and challenging moments. I thought I would share some of my initial thoughts and feelings about this program, being it’s only my first week in. I found some things I definitely need to pay attention to that may cause some issues, and I found some very positive things already that have drastically changed my relationship with food and my eating disorder. So let’s just jump right in.
The first few days
As I started my WW journey, the first few days were a little hard. It took me a few days to get used to tracking points, figuring how many points were in each food, and trying to plan my meals for each day. It might not seem hard, but this is all very new to me. Being I was on Jenny Craig for YEARS, changing to something new will take some time to get used to, and I expected this. But trying to track my foods and figuring out the whole points system was hard. But after a few days, I figured it out and honestly, it is really easy. I think for me, I was nervous it would not be enough food, I was still going to be hungry and felt I ran out of points very fast. So it was hard to figure out the foods I wanted, but that still made me feel like I was eating enough foods to keep me full.
What I like so far
- I am enjoying eating food again, which is HUGE. I don’t remember a time, at least recently, that I actually enjoyed eating. I feel like I liked my JC food, but it was nothing special, and I just ate it to eat it. Otherwise, I was binging out on food and felt awful after. So actually being able to enjoy food is a huge win for me.
- I love how I can literally have any food I want. I always say that having everything in moderation and not considering foods good or bad is something I strongly believe in. I also think not having certain foods or food groups off-limits is also key, especially for me. On JC they had all types of food..but it was their pre-packaged food. I felt like mentally I had to only eat their food, or when I went off, I went way off. With WW, it’s like you can have anything, literally anything, and just make it fit in your points. Feeling food freedom and actually enjoying what I eat has felt amazing.
- WW allows you to be mindful of everything while enjoying anything. This one is key for my eating disorder. It doesn’t matter the calories in the foods, they are helping you to reach for healthier options more often, not binging on foods and being mindful of portion control. Even my low calorie, sugar-free, low carb frozen yogurt (I thought I would get a TON) you still get a smaller, more normal-sized portion. At first, I thought, wait I want more, than I thought, this is a good amount, and need to change that need to eat A LOT of food to feel satisfied. So I had a bowl of frozen yogurt and felt satisfied and happy. I really like how I felt in control, enjoyed the food, and I am re-learning how to make choices that are best for me, not just weight loss but with my ED and relationship with food. I really like that aspect of this program.
- I never feel hungry. I loved how I actually felt full and satisfied, another sensation I do not remember having in a long time unlesss I binged out and felt sick. With this program I found myself feeling like I was able to eat enough food, enjoy my food and these choices left me feeling satisfied. This is is a huge win for me.
- I also love that you have your daily points, but that you also have a weekly bank of points. So if you do still feel hungry, want something higher in points, or just need something extra during the day, you have those weekly points that you can pull from to cover you. These are points that are there for you if you need some wiggle room. This cushion has helped me to overcome that fear of not having enough food, and makes me feel like I don’t need to be “perfect”. Knowing that I have that extra room to play helps me mentally so much. It helps me to enjoy my foods, listen to my hunger cues, and mentally know that if I need something else to eat, I can!
- I am going to talk about the weight loss. I am not trying to just focus on the weight loss part, but I also do not think we should be shamed for losing weight if it is for the right reasons and best for the individual. Even though there is so much more to focus on than a number, I will share this weight loss because YES I am proud of myself. I lost 7 pounds this week!!! You can bet that I am happy with that, and there is nothing wrong with being happy about losing weight. Feeling proud of myself is an amazing feeling. Especially since I know how good I felt with my eating, with my food choices, and with my mental health in changing plans. So yay!
Ok, so if you can’t tell, so far I am LOVING WW. BUT…there are some things personally that I do need to be mindful of.
Things That May Need Some Work and I Need to Stay Aware Of
- Having the extra weekly points is amazing BUT I need to be aware and actually allow myself to use them if I need to. Mentally I feel like I don’t want to use them- which can be a problem. Not using them is not a problem but not using them because I think it will not help me to lose weight is something I need to be aware of.
- Since the plan I am on is BLUE, I do not need to track my lean proteins or fruit. I am not afraid I will binge out and eat a ton of meat or fruit, but I have to be aware and make sure that I still eat them. I can not worry about how many calories they have or think that if I don’t eat a lot it will help me lose faster. That is a mental struggle for me with anything surrounding calories and weight loss and especially with my eating disorder, feeling afraid to eat too much is something I am working on. So far this has not been an issue, but again, need to stay aware of this.
- The scale is still something that causes me anxiety, as much as I hate it. I have been working on the relationship I have with myself and my body and not allowing the scale to control me or my emotions…but when I did my initial weigh-in, I cried because I hated the number I saw, and this week when I did my weekly weigh-in, I cried because I was so happy with such a big weight loss. So doing weekly weigh-ins are important to make sure the plan is adjusted properly, but also something that I may have to adjust if the number really plays into my moods.
- Meal prepping and cooking has been harder and takes more time than I am used to. By the time I am home from work, do my workout, shower and then get dinner ready its like 9 pm and I am exhausted. I am still figuring out a way to meal prep, find easy recipes, and not repeat too many meals in a row because that can trigger my ED and me not wanting to eat. This is still new to me and I know I will get better and it will become easier as I have more practice and experience.
- I did have a big moment where my eating disorder slapped me in the face. It came out of nowhere like it usually does. I was eating a dinner which I loved and was really enjoying and all of a sudden I started gagging and could not swallow. I took a moment, drank some water, took a breath, and tried to keep eating. Nope. I began gagging so much that I could not finish my dinner. I was PISSED. I was so upset that this happened. I do not know why and can’t explain what made this happen…but it did. So I began bawling my eyes out. At that moment I was sad that I had an eating disorder and this was happening, also I was mad that I had to go through this. Kevin reminded me that I am ok and if this happens, stop eating. Don’t keep forcing yourself to eat. Take a break, walk away from it and you can always try again later, or try a new food. This one is really not WW thing, but something I do need to keep my eye on and made the rest of the day hard to finish my points and made me nervous it was going to happen again. Thankfully it was only that one time, but I did come close a few times and had to walk away from my meal and come back to it later and was able to finish eating.
As you can see a lot happened mentally and physically this week. I am SO happy I started WW and I am so happy that I feel like so many positive changes are happening already. There are still some areas of concern that I am keeping my eyes on, and I am writing daily in a journal about my thoughts, feelings, and what’s going on each day which helps me to reflect and be aware of emotions and feelings.
Overall I feel like a new person. I am proud of myself for being brave enough to switch things up and realize that what I was doing before was not working. I am proud of myself for taking that step forward to not only lose weight but making a change to help me with my relationship with myself and food and to overcome my eating disorder.
It kinda feels like this
I was on a boat that I loved…but that boat was sinking. That boat I was on took me on an amazing journey and I loved that boat, but it was sinking fast. It had so many holes and was leaking. I was covering those holes with bandaids but still…it was sinking and taking me down with it. I was afraid to leave that boat, my home for so long, and that I felt so comfortable in. That boat took me far and I appreciate it and the experiences it gave me so much but I was scared to go another way. Then a big yacht came along (with Oprah driving it) and pulled me onto that new boat to save me. As much as I will always love that old boat, it is time to move on. That’s how I feel with WW. The old plan was such a huge part of me and my journey but it was no longer working and I was drowning and needed something new. And Oprah came to save me with bread:)
Doing something new is scary, but I am proud of myself. I think week one was a huge success and I am excited to continue on this journey and bring you all along with me.