I cannot believe that it has already been one year since my first skin removal surgery. One year ago today, on July 28, 2016, I was walking into the hospital. I was nervous, scared, excited, and happy. I knew my life was about to change. I just never realized how much it was about to change. Having my skin removal surgery is the best decision I could have ever made. It is hard to really talk about the final result, since I am still a work in progress and still need several more procedures. But I can 100 percent say with absolute confidence that the decision to have my excess skin removed was the best thing I could do for myself. A lot of people have different opinions on this…and that is ok. Everyone is different and you can think and feel whatever you want.
I just wanted to come on here and share. It is so crazy to think that this was one year ago. Time really does fly by. I feel like last year I was counting down the months, weeks, days until I would have this surgery. And not too long ago I was counting down the months, weeks and days for it again. To get me back to this exact day, one year later. I remember wishing at the time that it was all over with and that I would be here, one year later. All recovered. I am filled with so many emotions today. I woke up wanting to cry when I remembered the date. Its a date that I think will be stuck in my mind forever. I remember the whole day like it was yesterday. From waking up, driving in the car, walking into the room, getting marked up, changed and wheeled away. I remember my surgeon, Dr. Beck holding my hand as I fell asleep and waking up the nurse telling me I was all done. I remember looking down at my stomach and not being scared or worried about what the incisions looked like or the blood or scars…but looking down and seeing my stomach flat…no loose skin hanging off me me…and that moment…that exact feeling…it is so hard to put into words. It was gone. I felt like a new me and I as determined to heal and keep going. Saying those words out loud and even typing them is so weird. The loose skin on my stomach is gone. Wow!
As I sit here and recover from surgery 3 and 4, it is hard to not think about where it all started. Recovery is brutal, lets be honest and real. But the results? I mean…I would have all the surgeries again right now if I had to. I feel so much better. I feel like I am not trapped inside my 500 pound self. I still struggle with my body image and seeing myself for something other than what I am. But mentally I think having the skin removal surgery is where the biggest changes have come and are coming. Mentally I am starting to heal and starting to love myself more. I say it all the time but losing weight is so much more then just losing weight. It is a physical and a mental battle and the journey is continuous and never ending. So we must keep fighting on. Keep moving forward. Keep making the best decisions you can make for you!!! Ahhhh!! Today is an emotional day. Thank you all for supporting ,me, loving me, taking care of me and being there for me. This has been one crazy ride and I cant wait to see where I will be one year from now!!!
I wrote a blog the night before my first skin removal surgery, and I decided to go back and re read it. I of course could not get through it without crying. All of the emotions and thoughts and fears came rushing back to me. It was like I was living the day all over again. It is so crazy to see how much anger and frustration I had with myself then, and how much it has changed and how much I have grown since then. At the time I was so angry with myself for getting so big that I now have to have surgery. Now, I am dealing with it. I have let go of some of that anger and self hating. I am accepting that this is how it is and I am going deal with it! I can deal with it! So I wanted to share some of that blog with you down below. They are just little bits and pieces of how I was thinking and what I was going through at this same time last year! Remember this is journey. Try to enjoy the ride. Time goes by fast! Again thank you to everyone who has been a part of my journey. I love you more than I can say!!!
“Well tomorrow is the day! The day I have been waiting for which seems like forever! I have so many different emotions running through my head.
“I put so much pressure on myself to be brave, tough, never quit or give up and never show your weakness. I have always given it my all and have fought my way to get to where I am now.
“I have done all I can do. I have let go. Trust in the Doctor, the nurses, the staff, my family and friends, in God and all of my angels watching over me from above. And mostly I need to trust myself. I got myself here and I am getting myself out of here.
“There is still so much going through my head, however I mostly just feel love. I will try to let everything else go and get some sleep. Tomorrow is a big day!”