Today I am heading off to watch two friends get married and I am so excited! I love weddings and watching the celebration of love. It is safe to say that I just love, love! There was a time in my life where I dreaded going to weddings and I thought that no one would ever love me for me. I know weddings can be hard for others too and they can make you feel alone, sad, and left with a feeling that you will never be able to find that kind of love.
“love will never find me”
I know what it feels like to feel alone and that no one loves you. That no one can possibly love you for you. For me, I thought that love would never find me because I was not good enough. I was too “fat” and who would ever want to date a fat girl, let alone get married to one. I used to think that until I lost weight, or changed my personality ( I am kinda shy believe it or not) and just completely changed who I was that I would be alone forever. Because who could ever love me?
I am not alone
The sad part of this is that I know I am not alone in thinking like this. The amount of messages and comments and emails I get from others telling me that their weight is holding them back and that they will never find love, they need to change because their husband doesn’t like “fat girls” or they feel like they need to lose weight and want to do so quickly because they have a date coming up, or a special event….and they want to quickly change who they are so they can impress someone. This breaks my heart to hear this especially since I know what it feels like…I was once there at that place.
Changing for “love”
I tried completely changing who I was for someone else, I thought if I lost weight, had his hobbies, changed my hair, my clothes, basically became everything I was not and maybe he would like me. But in the end, not only was I not being true to who I was, he still did not love me. If you are currently in this negative way of thinking or if you are someone who “hates” love, or weddings or thinks no one can ever love you for you let me stop you right there!
If we put conditions on love or want to change who we are in order to find love than you have it backwards! We must first learn to love and accept ourselves just as we are before we can learn to love others. How can we expect someone to love us if we can’t even love ourselves? At the end of the day, if someone does not love and cherish and respect you for you, then is that really the kind of “love” you want around you anyways? Absolutely not!!!
Stop “hating” love
So let’s stop hating love, or being jealous or mad at our friends, family, co-workers who seem to be madly in love. Let’s stop comparing others love story to our story. Let’s stop thinking that we need to change who we are in order to love, especially stop thinking that love will never find us!
Instead of focusing all of our energy on being mad that we are not in love or do not have someone, lets put all of that energy into finding out who we are and who we want to be and finding our own self-love and self-worth. Let’s put that energy into loving ourselves!
Now, I know what you might be thinking.
This is so easy for me because I have already met the love of my life. But trust me, it is not all sunshine and rainbows and I still have to work every day to make sure I am staying true to myself and not only loving him but loving myself as well. It took me a long time to get to the place I am at today, but trust me I get it. I understand what it is like. I can also tell you that the power is inside of you to get out of that negative place and find your own love without needing to put down or be angry with others who have it! It was not until I gave up trying to change who I was and after I stopped trying so hard to make others love me, it wasn’t until then, that Kevin came into my life.
Things happen when they are supposed to.
I believe things never usually happen when we want them to or because we really want them to. I believe things happen when they are supposed to and that everything happens for a reason.
Wanting to lose weight, change who you are and only wanting to “change” for someone else or a date or event is only going to set you up for failure!
Love needs to come from within first
Like I said, putting conditions on when or how we want to change never works. We have to change because we want to change. Because the changes are is going to help us live our best life. If we want to lose weight, we have to do it for us, because we want to. Not so someone else may like you. Chances are, even after you lose the weight, they may still not like you and this “new” person isn’t really you. Later you end up putting the weight back on, become angry with yourself and allow others to control how you feel, especially about yourself. Before you can truly feel the love from someone else you need to love yourself first. It needs to start inside of you!!!
We must learn to love ourselves first. We need to be happy and confident in ourselves and who we really are and it will be so much easier to love ourselves and also love someone else.
Never forget what is important
Relationships take time, lots of patience and hard work. The same is true with self-love, we cannot be so focused on finding love from someone else, being jealous or upset by someone else’s love that we forget what is important. Loving ourselves first is the most important thing that you can do. So love you! Love who you are. Be your own person. Take the time to find out who you really are and who you want to be. After you get all of these things figured out you will be so much happier. When you are happier it is easier to find and accept love from someone else. No loving yourself is not easy it takes time and practice before it happens easily. But self-love is possible and it leads to so many other amazing things.
Love will find you when you are least expecting it
I promise love will find you when you are least expecting it. Never give up on love, or on yourself. There is a saying that goes “those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”. When it comes to love this quote is so true. Love sees right through so many things. Stay true to who you are and love will come and find you! It will find you when you stop looking for it and forcing it, and it will feel so right. Be the best version of you possible and love will grow inside of you. Trust the timing of your life and keep working hard and keep pushing forward!
Things will happen when they are supposed to happen…when it is the right time for you.
Look good for yourself, lose weight for yourself, be happy for yourself and for others. Don’t try to look good for someone else or lose weight for someone else. Don’t be angry that someone else has something that you want or desire. You can have those all of those things and more if you really want them. You can look good and be happy but only make changes because you are trying to become the best you that you can possibly be. Remember that being yourself is enough, you don’t need to be someone else or pretend to be something that you are not in order to find happiness or love. Both love an happiness will find you when you just do you…and do you the best that you can.
Never too old for happily ever after
When you learn to love yourself first, the right people will come along and love you just for you. True love will find you and everything will fall into place. You are never too old for a happily ever after! That happily ever after will happen whenever it is supposed to happen…and probably when you are least expecting it.
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